i am nikhil

nikhil's muzings

a long overdue update

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you can think every which way you want about any possible thing, but thinking about what to do with your own life is the biggest waste of time cause you end up questioning every little decision before it can ever be made and end up doing nothing at all. or something to that effect.
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No battles lost till you give up
Even if defeats in your face
The only way that you can lose
Is if you fall from your own grace
Never give up on your beliefs
Even if you’re all alone
‘Cos victory isn’t about winning
It’s about the faith you own
Never fear the setting sun,
It will arise anew.
Never hold the darkness dear,
It hides yourself from you!
Don’t pretend to understand
In what you don’t believe
Don’t be the silent hand
Be prepared to lead!
When you dream, go live them too!
Or sigh not in despair
Your destiny is for you to choose,
The path you have to dare!
For at the time of reckoning
You have no one to answer
When the spirit is beckoning
Your life is in itself the answer!
*************
06-09-07 : 10:21 am
So much to do, so much to know, so much to learn
And Still we think, still we wonder, still we yearn
For what, if not naught, are our ramblings and confusions…
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cal to mumbai

was really thinking of what this life is meant for. morning today. sitting in the congested traffic in the yellow calcutta cab. yo realise that there are only two ways of dealing with everything in life. the right way. and your way. the breakfast at flurry’s. the smile on your face as you enter the tea table- t3. the amazing way you feel as you walk around. as your shoe sole comes off and starts flapping like the robe of a witch doing 170 on a firebolt. the very honouring offer of writing something that makes not such a small difference to many a people.
sitting here in the departure lobby listening to Sparks resound through your earphones, longing for a bit more of juice for your poor system’s batteries, you slowly begin to realise the meaning of the small pleasure that god grants some of us. if we are lucky. and the true meaning of lucky emerges. for your sake. not for the sake of clarification. for understanding, not explanation.
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mumbai to ahmedabad

journeying once again. the situation changes and yet it remains exactly the same. im lying down rather than peacefully reclining in a lounge or sitting ramrod straight in the over crowded aisles. this might have sumthing to do with thte fact that im already far more used to travelling in this fashion rather than the other. but then again it tells nothing truly. the basic facts of life remain constant. one still longs for the same old things. a lil more battery life. a slightly wam drink to make you smile. ah the pleasures of suburbia.
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I used to want to change the world. Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity.
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“Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.”
*************
Razors pain you, rivers are damp, acid stains you, drugs cause cramps, guns aren’t lawful, nooses give, gas smells ugly. you might as well live.
*************
Travel Travails : The search continues…
After almost half an year, a meeting with an old friend sparks off memories that lay long forgotten. another friends asks me to write down such memories, lest the wonderful details that seem etched in our memories semipermanently. every journey seems to teach a new lesson.now be it one of stupidity, humility, fun, anger or just plain disgust sometimes. it brings you closer to realization of the exact kind of people that share our world. the people who inhabit the space we call our home. not in the literal familial sense of the term. but a looser definition that seems to include our planet and our species on the whole. sometimes, all those seemingly ridiculous theories of wiping the slate clean and beginning all over again seem to make much more sense than the daily hulabaloo of our life.

anyways, noah’s ark n other assorted stories apart… i must say that there is nothing comparable to the pleasure of finding an available power outlet in the train. and having unlimited charge capacity. oh boy… the black coffee has already keyed me wide… the humour of charlie chaplin, only helped the mood set in.. now its time for some quality gaming time, from an upper berth in an air conditioned three tier… while people bawl their heads out below demanding an impossible service and clean bedsheets. sigh. when will they ever learn. never i suppose. they find it easy to soil their sheets, and easier still to demand service that they couldnt imagine to afford paying for.and to top it all is their exalted ego. sweet. peace out people.
*************
Steppenwolf Page 79
Imagine a garden with a hundred kinds of trees, a thousand kinds of trees, a thousand kinds of flowers, a hundred kinds of fruits and vegeables. Suppose, then, that the gardener of this garden knew no other distinction than between edible and inedible, nine-tenths of this garden would be useless to him. He would pull up the most enchanting flowers and hew down the noblest trees and even regard them with a loathing and envious eye. This is what the Steppenwolf does with the thousand flowers of his soul. what does not stand classified as either man or wolf he does nor see at all. And consider all that he imputes to ‘man’! All that is cowardly and apish, stupid and mean – while to wolf, only because he has not succeeded in making himself its master, is set foen all that is strong and noble

Steppenwolf Page 1777
You are right, Steppenwolf, right a thousand times over, and yet you must perish. You are much too exacting and hungry for this simple, easy-going and easily contented world of today. You have a dimension too many. Whoever wants to live and enjoy his life today must not be like you and me. Whoever wants music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative work instead fo business, passion instead of foolery, finds no home in this trivial world of ours —

~ ~ ~
Typed in the central park at connaught after having comfortably finished reading Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse.Comfortably albeit having the digits on my fingers freezing off with the cold. comfortable albeit listening to the blaring music in my earphones. watching the sun slowly go down and disappera over Hamiltion House and the huge sign proclaiming the location of The India Today Group’s Office, or its existence, or whatever in connaught place. hmmm. time to head out for a coffee n deforst these phalanges. just wanna see the sun rise in the same spot now. for posterity,s sake, lemme state that i sit right now about 10 feet from a nice black pole, facing the exactly hamilton house,on the nice though cold grass as you come off from the path leading off from the exit into the park from the Rajiv Chowk Metro station underneath this park. Statesman House lies on my left shoulder and a McD is visible to my right. that’s where i’m headed now i guess. cheerio.
*************
hmmm, talk about an overdose of caffeine. Is start off with a normal cup at the station from BM. then have one in the evening aboard the train. nice n black, straight up. luckily spared myself the third cuppa black after dinner thanks to having taken my shoes off and climbed up to my berth, and being a lazy dotard by nature, oh well what the hell i just chose to cover n n drift off.. then two cups in the morning, followed by a strong cappucino with buaji, a cold one at caventers, then a hot glass of espresso americano in the evening after freezing my fingers typing the previous piece in the park a few minutes past sunset, which sadly occurs not around 6 as i was told, but around 5ish pm. a wee bit too early if u ask me, but then no one is asking so baklawa to that.anyway, i continue walking around, then go n indulge myself at the Oriental Fruit Mart. Remember this for sure now. it is in the mid section leading off to barakhambe road, next to the petrol pump opposite the adidas showroom side. was told that i seriously need to get my brain checked for havinig given Costas coffee a miss, and head over there for sure the next time i happen to visit the general area. one thing that remains to be done, two actually is to practice typing with gloves on and then actually try doing it early morning in central park and watch the sun rise there.though i doubt that any train can reach on time and make me catch the sunrise there in the upcoming dreary winter weather. most probably i’ll end up being there on 30th december,which oughta fall in the week of no sunshine that hits the national capital aorund new year’s ever every year. all thsi is secondary of course to the fact that i have stupidly left my gloves in the safety of my aluminium trunk in my room at my hostel in my college in the far reaches of Jharkhand. so the question of practising typing with gloves on is rested till new years eve for sure. we could try it out on new years eve tho and tyoe away from the roof top. alas for that wi-fi router… i could have enjoyed sumthign there. hmmm. so what should i go for this new year? no more no quizzing resloves ever again, that bit is sure. what with taking home the durgapur shields this time, mom is sure to pass a decreee of that sort. but one semeser of abstinence is good enough for this mortal soul. more such laws n promises i can definitely do without thank you very much.Kafka on the shore & Norwegian Wood awaits me in kolkatta in January 2008. let’s see when i get around to acquiring , reading and returning them. not to mention the tradeoff from my own collection too.will have to make a list of the ones i plan to leave home and check up with those, to save myself from unnecessary banter.
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Ayn Rand – Atlas Shrugged
By the essence and nature of existence, contradictions cannot exist. If you find it inconceivable that an invention of genius should be abandoned among ruins, and that a philosopher should wish to work as a cook in a diner-check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.
*************
I swear by my life and my love for it that I will not live for the sake of another man nor ask another man to live for mine
*************
Definition Of Age:
Dus Bacchon Ka Baap : NG (by M)
Dus Baapon Ka Baccha : NG (by I)
*************
Whatever you buy/get/possess soon becomes an integral part of you body, and is seen attached to it most of the times
(Anil on me and my devices)
*************
Since the time he has got his own laptop, he seems to have forged a permanent bond with the bench in front of the R&D dept.
(some junior passing by)
*************
always observing, always watching, you see more when you are not being seen. there is a point to this. what i do not know, i can only try to wonder about it with an amazing sense of incredulity that is very doubtful to turn into comprehension at any point in the future.
one thing i have noticed about me and computers. apart from the symbiotic relationship we share, that is me and my machines, it seems the only place i can ever get any work done on a computer is outside my desginated working space, the place where i am actually supposed to work out whatever problems that i have asigned to be worked out at the place. seriously, all i ever end up doing on my desktop is endlessly shuffling through the thousands of e-books on the hard drive, or trying to figure out a new more efficient manner of file organization for my milion or so file on the poor wreck of a hard drive that i have left on the desktop.
(long long ago)
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Our Linus, Who art in Tux Land,Hallowed be Thy Operating System.Thy Kingdom come.Thy Will be done, on Desktop as it is on Servers.Give us this day our daily kernel.And forgive us our dependencies,as we forgive those who Ubuntu against us.And lead us not into Apple,but deliver us from Vista.

Debian.
*************
“The draconian civil engineering department of sxc wont allow our humble economics department to continue its peaceful functioning. Hence you all have my leave to disperse.”
MM @ SXC – Eco
src – Snowy
*************
you can know everything about something or something about everything. the choice may not seem like much, but it means everything. The choice lies our hands.always. It is ours to make, and ours to live with.
*************
“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.”
Truman Capote
*************
“The higher you are, the farther u fall;
the longer the walk, the farther you crawl.”
Metallica
*************
“Ashes and diamonds, foe and friend…we were all equal in the end.”
Roger Waters
*************
Peter forebore once more to put a period to the rottenest life in the rottenest den in the rottenest borough in the rottenest city in all the rottenest world.”
Stephen Fry – The Liar
*************
Ezekiel 25:17
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who,in the name of charity and goodwill,shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness,for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers! And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee !”
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“And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced.But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird.The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fireand thunder upon them. For the beast had beenreborn with its strength renewed, and thefollowers of Mammon cowered in horror. “
from The Book of Mozilla, 7:15
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sorry about that sudden departure. my system folded itself into a foetal form n banished itself; that is to say, it crashed. n burned. and is now reborn from it’s ashes.

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Written by iNKV

December 24, 2007 at 14:28

Posted in Uncategorized

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